You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
