Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
