I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
