I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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