hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
