We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
