He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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