Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
