I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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