Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize