I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
