i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
