you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
