Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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