oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize