I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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