Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
