I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
