i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
