I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
