is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
