I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So much Jack, so little girl.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
