whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
