She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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