i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's official drugs can't kill me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
