We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
