You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
