i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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