5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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