i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
