My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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