hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
