I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
