Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
