i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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