I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
