I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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