Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
