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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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