I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
