That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
