I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize