I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
