Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
