Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's like iHOP with fire
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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