I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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