i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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