I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
