There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
