I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize