So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
