THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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