fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
