I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
