umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
