i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
