I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
