I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
