lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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