I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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