shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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