He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
