I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
