I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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