I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
