Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
