the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
