Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
