Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
