i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
