Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
